Meet my nephew Weston. I love this little man. He has the same red hair and brown eyes and, unfortunately for his parents, acts a lot like I did at his age. He often gets mistaken for my kid when we are together in public.

Right before my brother and sister-in-law announced they were pregnant, we started the process for our first round of AI. I was taking hormones to prepare on the heels of a couple of painful procedures. We just knew this procedure was going to work. We found out that we were going to be an aunt and uncle in November, and our AI was in December.

I was so excited that we might have cousins the same age. My brother and I had one first cousin, but he was 10-15 years older than us. This was going to be epic! Unfortunately, that was not going to be the case for us. The AI did not take on the first round, nor did it take for the next few rounds.  One took and ended in miscarriage.

Sometime in that process, Weston graced our world. I was thrilled, and a lot sad. I wanted to be holding my own baby as well. We were supposed to celebrate together.

I kept my hope alive as we continued on our process and considered the next step of our journey. I didn’t tell my brother and sister-in-law about this until this past Christmas. They never knew the timing of our AI. I didn’t want to steal their joy — I don’t want to steal anyone’s joy.

Its hard for me to admit this, but each announcement and baby/kid pictures that I see online steals a small part of my joy.   It can set me back hours, days or even months.  I have to be creative in finding my joy again, but I always do and it is often in those little familiar brown eyes of our ornery, spunky little Weston. #NIAW #startasking

We have been trying to have our own biological baby for 8 1/2 long years. This is one of the most difficult things a couple can go through and can often end in divorce. Thankfully, Jason and I have grown closer through this journey.

I’m the reason we haven’t had kids, because I have PCOS. Jason has been by my side during all of my IF treatments, crazy moments from hormones, Mothers’ Days, decisions to pause our adoption process because my mom was sick, miscarriages, false positives and seasons of depression. Despite all of this, we are stronger than we would have ever been if this hadn’t become our story. In my book, he is one incredible man. We still have a blast together and love traveling as much as possible. God certainly knew what he was doing when he brought us together, and I couldn’t imagine walking this path with anyone else. Love you more than you will ever know, Jason Weaver! #NIAW #startasking

We still believe that it will happen for us. Hope is a beautiful thing! #NIAW #startasking

I am 1 in 8 women struggling with infertility. Did you know that a whopping 12% of married women have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining pregnancy? Here are 10 things that the infertile in your life wants you to know about their struggle.

1. The experience is more common than you think.  I read an article once that says infertility can be more difficult to deal with than cancer or other major illness.  Most people don’t see infertility as a medical diagnosis so they don’t understand how difficult it is for us.
2. Please don’t tell us to just relax, we aren’t meant to be parents, or to just get over it. These have actually been said to me and it is hurtful regardless of the intention behind the words.
3. Your pregnancy announcement can be difficult for us, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t thrilled for your miracle.  We may need a little time to process.  The initial news can sting a bit and then most of us can move right into happiness.  If we have just had a miscarriage, failed IVF or IUI it may take a little longer.
4. Please understand if we can’t attend your baby shower. We don’t want to inadvertently ruin your important moment. In fact, talking to us before sending us an invitation can alleviate hurt feelings on both sides-especially if you are a close friend or family member. I haven’t attended one in about 4 years (we have been trying for 8 years) and it’s mostly because tears fall without my permission and I’m terrified of stealing the joy from the happy couple. Terrified. I haven’t attended a shower for any of my nieces and nephew, or for my best friends. I was lucky that timing gave me an out in some cases but I had to admit to the rest that I just couldn’t do it. That admission makes a person feel very small. I was lucky that most understood and were incredibly gracious. They are simply wonderful people.
5. Don’t tell us that we can “just adopt.” Yes, it is an option that is the perfect answer for some but it will not heal the pain of our desire to see a little mini me running around. In fact, that process doesn’t always end in a baby/child. The pain of a failed adoption after years of infertility is hard too. After paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to conceive, one may not have the money to adopt. It isn’t cheap.
6. We want to hear about your baby/child and celebrate the little miracle with you.   It just may have to be on our terms depending on what is happening on our journey at the moment. We have a new baby niece in the family and one of my best experiences of this past Christmas season was shopping for the little cutie.
7. The process doesn’t feel fair – to anyone. For all of the feelings that we are experiencing about the fairness of our situation, there are just as many feelings that you might be feeling about us and our inability to celebrate with you. If you are willing, we can get through it together.
8. Our parents suffer too. I remember my mother trying her hardest to balance the joy of my brother’s new baby and the pain I was experiencing because of a failed treatment. She also endured years of friends telling her we needed to “just adopt” before we got too old. Even during cancer treatment she allowed me to just cry in her arms when I found out my sister-in-law was pregnant. I can’t imagine the helplessness she felt in that moment.   This great article helps parents understand how their role is pivotal in a healthy family unit and how to support your fertile and infertile children.
9. Men suffer in silence. Face it, women are better at communication, so we often reach out to family and friends. Men often find it difficult to express their emotions. In some cases, the infertility may happen because of complications they are having. The burden they are under is very heavy. This isn’t the case in our story, but my husband most definitely hurts too.
10. We are on an emotional roller coaster. Each negative pregnancy test, hormone treatment, miscarriage, etc. is incredibly hard. On the flip side, a positive test (even if it doesn’t result in a baby), an insemination or IVF gives us profound hope and excitement.

I compiled this list from my own experiences and took a few from others around the web.  You can read similar lists here, here and here.

If you have more, I’d love to hear them!

#NIAW #startasking

April 24 – 30, 2016 is Infertility Awareness Week, and I will be posting something on Instagram each day to commemorate the week and help raise awareness for the 1 in 8 women who are affected.  I’m going to tell parts of our story in hopes that it will help someone who isn’t in a place to tell theirs yet.

We started trying to conceive in 2007, just two years after we were married and were over the moon about having a family. After 3 months we started realizing this wouldn’t be as easy as we thought. I began having woman’s health issues and asked my doctor for help. She put me on Clomid. After 3 cycles of that with no result, I was referred on to a wonderful doctor in Kansas City.

During this time many of my friends were having babies like crazy. Each baby shower that passed became bittersweet. I was so excited for my friends, and so hopeful that I too would be showing off those adorable little onesies at some point. Little did I know we would have years of treatments in front of us, spending many thousands of dollars.

For all of the frustrations we’ve endured, we have been incredibly blessed with those friends and family who have walked this path on a daily basis with us. Their support during times of tears and times of hope has been incredible. I would walk through fire for them for all of they have endured with us.

This year’s #NIAW call to action is to #startasking. If you know a couple struggling with infertility or think they may be, just ask how they are. Remember both the husband and wife are hurting. You can find a short guide to help you talk to them without accidentally hurting their feelings. http://bit.ly/1FJLvWa